Before we pause for the summer, I wanted to leave you with one final reflection: listening.
Listening is at the heart of everything I do. Not just hearing words, but understanding the thoughts, feelings and stories behind them. Whether supporting someone through grief or creating a funeral ceremony, these skills help people feel heard and understood. So, for this final blog post before the summer break, I’d like to explore why listening is one of the most important skills we can develop.
More Than Hearing Words
People often tell me that I'm a good listener. I appreciate the compliment, but the truth is that listening is about far more than simply hearing the words someone is saying. When I sit with a family to talk about someone who has died, I'm certainly listening to what they tell me. The facts. The stories. The milestones. The funny moments and the achievements. But I'm also listening for what isn't being said. Sometimes that's where the real story is.
Meeting With Pete
Suddenly we weren't talking about dates, places and events. We were talking about love. About companionship. About habits built over a lifetime. About the emptiness left behind when someone who has always been there is no longer there. The Story Behind the Story
I remember meeting Pete whose wife had died after more than forty years of marriage. He spoke calmly throughout our conversation. He told me where they met, where they lived, what work she had done and all the things she enjoyed.
It was a good conversation, but something felt incomplete. As we talked, I noticed that every so often, he would turn his wedding ring with his thumb. Not constantly, but enough for me to notice.
Eventually, I asked him about it. There was a pause. A long pause.
Then he said, “I’ve spent forty years reaching for her hand without thinking about it.”
That was it. The words mattered. But it was the feeling behind them that mattered more.
I’ve learned over the years that people don’t always tell you directly how they feel. Sometimes they can’t. Sometimes they don’t yet have the words. Sometimes the feelings are simply too big. So they tell you a story instead. Or they change the subject. Or they sit quietly for a moment longer than usual. Or their voice catches unexpectedly.
If we’re paying attention, those things tell us something.
Listening to What Isn’t Said
Listening isn’t waiting for your turn to speak. It isn’t preparing advice while somebody else is talking. And it certainly isn’t trying to fix everything. Sometimes listening is simply creating enough space for another person to find the words they didn’t know they had.
It means noticing the hesitation before an answer.
The tears that never quite arrive. The smile that doesn’t reach the eyes. The silence that follows a difficult memory.
Often, what remains unsaid speaks just as loudly as the words themselves.
The Gift of Being Heard
I’ve seen what happens when people feel truly heard.
Shoulders relax.
Breathing slows.
Stories emerge.
People often leave a conversation saying, “Thank you for listening.”
What they usually mean is, “Thank you for understanding.”
And there is a difference. Because hearing words is easy. Listening to the person behind those words takes a little more time, a little more patience, and a little more care.
But when we get it right, it can be one of the greatest gifts we give another human being.
A Final Thought
In a world full of noise, genuine listening has become surprisingly rare. Yet most people don’t need perfect answers. They don’t need us to solve their problems. They need to know that somebody is present. Somebody cares. Somebody is willing to sit with their story for a while.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer another person is our full attention. And sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply to listen.
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