I Missed The Routine

In this blog, I will share some tips about managing change. It’s the one thing that tends to throw us after we lose someone we love.

Grandma

At the end of her 90 years, I spent the last seven years looking out for my Grandma. She lived in Nottinghamshire, and her sight was slowly deteriorating, so I decided to move her closer to me. It was a challenging seven years, to say the least, juggling work, a young family, church life at the time, and attempting to care for her needs. She could be a bit cantankerous at times, and as she grew older, she became more difficult to appease. I recognised the need for routine and structure, and Grandma would more often have none of it. Nonetheless, routine was necessary, and every attempt was made to instil it.  

When Grandma died, despite her contentiousness, I took it hard. Until moving her to Staffordshire, we had enjoyed a very close bond and relationship since I was a child. I was her favourite she used to tell me! I sometimes think that the Grandma I knew then would have been horrified by the Grandma who mistreated me emotionally in the end. The routine turned out to be imperative despite her resistance to it. Ultimately, after she died, it reinforced my sense of loss, and, ironically, I missed the routine as much as I missed her.

She’d gone, and now I was left to negotiate the change.

Change is a big part of the grieving process, whether anticipated or sudden. It can be a loss of routine, relationships, familiar environments, or even control. However, I discoverd by my own experience, that managing change requires great emotional awareness and a mindset focused on resilience and growth. It took all my strength to establish this. Still, it’s about acknowledging the natural feelings of uncertainty, and I found it easier to concentrate on what I could control while accepting what I couldn’t. 

But here are some tips I learned along the way:

Managing Change

Recognise your feelings:

Change can evoke emotions, from anxiety and fear to excitement and anticipation. Acknowledge these feelings and allow yourself to process them. Important!!!

Practice self-care:

Engage in activities that help you relax and reduce stress, such as exercise, meditation, or time in nature – this is crucial!!! Fortunately, I live in the countryside, but the local park will do if you don’t.

Seek support:

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist to process your feelings and gain perspective. 

This may seem too methodical, but I recommend you develop a plan and structure. Create a vision. Define your personal or professional goals for the change you’re undergoing. Break down tasks and divide significant goals into smaller, manageable steps to make the process less overwhelming. And yes, establish a new daily routine that provides structure and stability. But be flexible. Acknowledge that change can be unpredictable, and be prepared to adjust your plans as needed. 

The big lesson I learned from my experience of losing Grandma was the importance of determining what aspects of the change are within your control and focusing your energy on those things. Let go of what you can’t control, accept that some things are beyond your influence, and avoid dwelling on what you can’t change. 

Reframe your thoughts, challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones. See change as an opportunity to develop new skills, acquire new knowledge, and expand your horizons. Remember always to celebrate your successes.

In essence, managing change is about becoming a more resilient and adaptable individual. It involves acknowledging the challenges, focusing on strengths, and embracing new growth and personal development opportunities. 

I speak from my own experience, but this requires a lot of effort. It is worth it in the end, I promise you!

Links

How It Works – SOM Life Coaching. https://somlifecoaching.com/how-it-works/