The Secret of the Universe

In this post, I want to share the secret of the universe.

When I met my wife, Naomi, she was navigating the heartbreaking loss of her 6-year-old daughter, Katie, who had tragically died after a fierce battle with glioblastoma. Despite being utterly devastated, Naomi’s extraordinary self-awareness struck me the most. I’ll never forget the look of raw emotional exhaustion and vulnerability on her face, especially on the night Katie died. Yet, even amidst her profound grief, she clearly understood how she wanted to approach Katie’s final days.

At the time, I was a Local Minister for the Church and had seldom witnessed such deep pain, particularly from parents enduring the unimaginable loss of a child. My instinct was to offer her some hope amidst such grave sorrow—to share what I believe is the secret of the universe.

The Secret

Philosophers like Thales, Plato, and Aristotle have long sought to comprehend the nature of reality and the cosmos, wrestling with questions of origin and the forces shaping existence. Some questioned virtue and happiness, while existentialists like Sartre and Camus highlighted individual freedom and the quest for meaning. Religions provide diverse perspectives on the purpose of life, offering frameworks that help us understand our existence and roles, often weaving together faith, spirituality, and moral guiding principles that emphasise salvation, enlightenment, or the fulfilment of one’s duties in the pursuit of peace.

While studying for my degree, I had the opportunity to live with a Jewish family in Golders Green. This experience enriched my understanding of the Jewish way of life and introduced me to the concept of Shalom, which lies at its core.

Shalom

“Shalom,” or peace, carries profound significance in Jewish thought and faith. We often envision the absence of conflict and a sense of quiet when we think of peace. However, Shalom represents much more than just a lack of discord; it embodies wholeness, completeness, and well-being across all facets of life—physical, mental, spiritual, and relational.

Shalom signifies a thriving existence, where every element harmonises—a notion many interpret as the universe’s secret. It illustrates a vision where everything finds its rightful place, embodying justice, well-being, and the absence of conflict.

Furthermore, Shalom emphasises interconnectedness and harmony among humanity and the natural world. It reflects the idea of healing and restoration, suggesting the possibility of wholeness even amid our brokenness.

My Why

Despite not being Jewish, Shalom is at the core of my mission, calling, and worldview. When I wish someone “peace,” I’m expressing a heartfelt desire for inner tranquillity, love, and joy—an earnest hope for their emotional well-being that encourages them to discover serenity, feel valued, and pursue a fulfilling life.

In contrast, brokenness embodies fragmentation, incompleteness, and suffering—it is everything that Shalom is not. Thus, the relationship between Shalom and brokenness illustrates a continuous journey toward wholeness.

Grief and Brokenness

Grief, in its most intense form, can shatter one’s inner world, as it did for Naomi, leading to fragmentation and disharmony. However, even though her world had crumbled, her brokenness was not permanent; it catalysed growth, resilience, and deeper self-understanding.

The journey through grief involves acknowledging loss, learning to live with pain, and ultimately weaving those experiences into a renewed sense of wholeness. My work is dedicated to bringing hope, change, and love—peace—to the brokenhearted.

Peace fuels my motivation, shaping my actions and guiding my behaviour. It is grounded in my core values—the driving force behind my endeavours.

As the spiritual writer Robert Fulghum beautifully put it:

“Shalom is not something you wish for; it is something you make, are, do, and give away.”

Shalom is the secret of the universe—a secret I sincerely wish to share in all that I do as a bereavement practitioner, in every ceremony I officiate, whether religious or not.

Naomi

Twenty-two years later, a part of Naomi remains broken. Her loss and suffering are lifelong. And yet, her suffering has brought about a sense of hope, change and love. Hope that she will be at peace with Katie again. Change, in that because of her experience, Naomi now helps others in similar situations professionally. Love, because through her passion for family, our children and grandchildren, Katie’s legacy lives on – Shalom!